Wednesday, July 30, 2003

The ACL from Hell

It’s official—I have a complete ACL tear and also torn cartilage. It’s official—I’m now more depressed than I already was about this. Ok, maybe depressed is not exactly all I am feeling right now but its part of it. Damn it! I am also severely pissed off!

I have to wait for the pre-certification from my health insurance before they can schedule surgery but it looks like I might be able to have it as early as the 13th or 14th. My Mom is planning on flying in so she can help out Hubby during my recovery process.

The Doctor wants me to take a week off from work but as I have NO paid-leave time left the time I do actually take will be completely unpaid and I really cannot afford to lose a weeks pay. Plus, I have no idea how much out-of-pocket I will be required to pay. I have health insurance but please, we all know how little they actually cover these days.

I want to drown my sorrows in Ben and Jerry but as I cannot work it off now it seems pointless. UGH! Maybe I’ll drown them in Smirnoff instead—any idea on the nutritional (de)value of martinis?

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

All's fair...

OK, I’m nervous. My appointment with my Orthopedist is tomorrow. At 1:15 tomorrow afternoon I will know the results of my MRI. To be honest, I am hoping that it will show that I didn’t actually tear my ACL but just stretched it and I won’t have to have surgery.

This summer has most certainly not gone like I wanted. I was in such a great place working out 3 to 4 times a week and seeing some positive results to boot. I felt better and had more energy and couldn’t wait to go exercise. I haven’t been able to do much of anything since June 11. I’m still doing my sit-ups and some floor exercises but that’s about it. I cannot walk for too long. I cannot bend down at the knees and to pick something up or anything for that matter. And the absolute worst thing, I cannot sit with my leg tucked up under me for ANY length of time!

My knee will periodically “go out” on me where I can feel my calf moving left and my thigh moving right and bone scraping across bone. Not the most pleasant of experiences I must say. In fact, it’s rather excruciatingly painful. I hate being restricted in my movements. I hate not being able to do exactly what I want, when I want it. With my migraines I have learned how to just move on regardless of the pounding in my temples and forehead until it gets to the point where I am throwing up then I have to lie down. I’ve learned to compensate for the fact that I have a headache 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. I don’t want to have to learn how to compensate for my knee damn it.

Last week I realized just how much I have to baby my knee. Just as I was arriving home on Wednesday the sky opened up and all the water in the world started pouring down up on us. I opened the garage door (we don’t actually park in it as it is still full of boxes and other miscellaneous items with no permanent home) got out of the car and tried to hurry into the house. Unfortunately I tripped and fell skinning my right knee, right ankle, both palms, and twisting my left (the bad one) knee. To further humiliate me the fates conspired at just that moment while I was on all fours in the driveway to have my dog come and lick the rainwater off my cheek and forehead. Ah, lovely.

I limped into the house, leaving a trial of water behind me as I passed, shedding my dripping wet clothes and got into the shower. When I got out my left knee was killing me not to mention the blood dripping from my knee and ankle. I took some Alleve and bandaged up my boo-boo’s and crawled into bed with a book.

I hate the fact that I have an impediment of sorts. I hate the fact that there’s another thing wrong with my body. I hate the fact that this knee will probably go arthritic because of this injury. I hate the fact that this injury pushed me out of the amazingly healthy groove I had gotten into. I know, I am simply complaining and I have a lot to be thankful for but damn it—it’s just not fair.

I know, I know. Who ever said life was fair?

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Bring It On

I know exactly the potential consequence of my actions and I consciously choosing to partake regardless. No, it's nothing so serious as that which could cause incarceration or an emotional breakdown. Please people. It’s a simple act of me defying Ye Gods O’ Migraine.

I’m eating Bar-B-Q Fritos and drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper. Pure and simple, I’m in NaCl heaven.

It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten flavored chips due to their high MSG content and diet beverages due to Nutra Sweet both of which cause me to have headaches. I avoid those types of foods but lately, I’ve just been dying for a taste of the past when I could eat without fear of painful consequences.

Today started out like any other day, I arrived at work, got my coffee and sat down at my desk. Somewhere though, in the back of my mind, I could hear those Fritos calling my name. I ignored the voices. I stood firm in my convictions and stayed away. Then about 10:30 this morning I had to walk a purchase order over to accounting and while passing by the break-room I caved. I cut my eyes left and right to make sure there would be no human obstacles to overcome and assessed the tables and chairs. I realized I would have to wind in and out of several of them to make it to the appropriate vending machine but somehow I managed, unscathed.

I deposited my $.45, pressed A, 7 and while drooling, watched them fall, praying there would be minimal breakage. Eyeing the shiny wrapper I reached my hand into the slot and pulled them out, their rustling music to my ears. I made it back to department, got the Diet Dr. Pepper out of the fridge and sat down at my desk.

I took a deep breath and opened my drink, placing the cap nearby but not as to be in my way and readied it for my first swill. Next, I firmly grasped both sides of the bag of chips and gently pulled them apart. I peered over the edge, and ever so intently selected my chip. Popping it into my mouth I indulged in savory madness. Sigh. That first taste of the salty, slightly sweet, smoky, powdery substance covering my Frito is pure heaven and I am loathe to rush the experience. Thus I have developed a method ensuring maximum enjoyment.

One must be patient but the payoff is most definitely worthwhile. You see, I don’t just crunch the chip, I suck on it ever so slowly. I push it up against the roof of my mouth and as I rock it gently back and forth the flavor seems to melt around my tongue and my taste buds seem to come alive. Then when I’m just one suckle away from removing the entire flavor I move it between my teeth for that first exhilarating crunch. Then, I grab my Diet Dr. Pepper, wrap my lips around bottle, tilt it up and wash it all down.

Now, I dare the migraine to come my way when I’ve just experienced such gastronomic fulfillment. And should it approach, I’m ready for it, Alleve in hand.