Monday, February 17, 2003

Haulin' As...

We are taking a mini-vacation to drive to Arkansas, visit family and pick up furniture. It's going to be about a 12 to 14 hour drive. I can't wait. No, really. (rolling eyes) I have not driven out there in over three years, and I am really looking forward to it; I would much prefer to fly. I have a lot of "stuff' in storage at home and we plan to rent a U-haul, or some such rental, and bring a lot of it back. I am very happy to be bringing back the china hutch to match my grandmother's dining room table. I will finally have a place to put my wedding china, crystal and silver. Who knows what else will be coming back with us. It's going to be a long trip through the Tennessee and North Carolina mountains pulling a large trailer.

I am however excited to see my Mom and Dad. Last week my Dad had an emergency procedure to unblock an artery in his heart. He had been in to see the doctor before Christmas and had several tests. The results were misread and he was told everything was fine. When he went back in for a check-up, the Doctor discovered the mistake and insisted he go in for surgery the next day. I panicked, and in my usual fatalistic sense feared the worst. Fortunately, everything turned out OK and with the miracle of modern science he is clear and good to go with directions to modify his diet and exercies. I am very much a Daddy's girl, always have been, always will be.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Ok. So, I haven't blogged for a week and I'm feeling really guilty about it as well. Why? Ohh, I don't know probably something to do with the insane and twisted view I have. I've not felt well this week; I'm recovering from some kind of cold/cough thingy and I am rather blah at the moment and since I was out of the office on Monday I've been trying to play catch-up all week. Sigh. Maybe I'll have a chance to write something today.

Thanks for stopping by; I'll have an update soon!

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

Bright Temptation

I’ve been wrestling with a bout of temptation recently—a need to take a walk on the wild side. The object of my desire is generic but most definitely taboo and could, no, make that would, be terribly bad for me. Unfortunately, this object is not alone in its lure; there are many others as well. So, in light of the fact I cannot possess them, I’ve taken to playing in my head. I suppose you could say I fantasize

I too often live within my head. For within my mind I can be whatever, whoever, do whatever, whenever, wherever and however I want. No desire, no thought I have is too outrageous, astonishing, outlandish, strange, kinky, perverse or unusual. I am free, wholly, to let my alter ego run rampant. Nor in my head does temptation come with a caveat. In fact, it usually comes with no strings attached, no consequences whatsoever.

Since dealing with this particular temptation I have spent a lot of time pondering its meaning and essence. has this to say about it:
n. 1: The act of tempting, or enticing to evil; seduction. 2: The state of being tempted, or enticed to evil. 3: That which tempts; an inducement; an allurement, especially to something evil.

Webster's Revised Unabridged says:
n 1: something tempting or enticing [syn: enticement] 2: the desire to have or do something that you know you should avoid; 3: the act of influencing by exciting hope or desire

Enticing. I like that word. I suppose the whole premise of temptation is coveting something you know you should not or cannot have. But, damn if it doesn’t feel good to toy with it, play with it, think about it until it drives you crazy with anticipation. Do I give in or not? I see the proverbial line in the sand but how close can I get to it without actually going over it. And knowing I would never give in, does entertaining the thought of it make me a masochist?

I must also confess, euphoric fantasy is always accompanied by great guilt. You see, I have a rather deeply rooted moral compass and I suppose 95 percent of the time I thank fortune for it. It has kept me out of a lot of trouble I would have otherwise gotten into. The other 5 percent I wish I could just say screw it and dive head first into wanton abandonment. Ply me with enough liquid courage and I just might.

It seems as if my mind is always at war with itself. I remember being asked if I though I was a moral person and seriously wondering if that person meant in actions or in thoughts. Can the true nature of anyone be determined by simply looking at a life from the outside? Can ones true character be ascertained only by what he or she does behind closed doors? Or are we a product of both?

What am I if I am often thinking about just how close I can get to that line without actually crossing it but never actually doing it. Furthermore, why do I always want to? Why can’t I be content with what I have?

So, what do you think? How is ones nature determined?

Sigh. I’m tired now. I’ve had a lot to ponder. I’ll leave you with...

Dare to be great, without a guilty crown; View it, and lay the bright temptation down—Dryden

Monday, February 03, 2003

Clumsy Me

It’s been a while since I’ve fallen down the stairs and this weekend I decided I should repeat the experience just to see if it hurts less now than it did the last time I fell.

It didn’t. In fact, being as I have added about five years to my age, I might even go so far as to say it hurt worse this time around.

This weekend we went to visit Hubby’s family to celebrate his Stepfather’s birthday. Let me just say up front, I actually LIKE (no, make that LOVE) my in-laws. We always have a great time when we are up there. They are extremely into music and so we usually dance, sing, and sometimes drink beer until the wee hours of the morning. They are extremely laid back about time and so it is not at all unusual to get to bed well after most of the world has headed off to the land of winkin’ blinkin’ and nodd.

This weekend was no exception.

Saturday night I got tired rather early, about 11:30pm, so I headed upstairs to go to sleep leaving the rest of the family to their usual rabble-rousing. Somewhere between 1:30 and 2am Hubby decided to come to bed too. Unfortunately, he was restless, shaking the bed and in general being annoying and I was awakened. So, after about 30 minutes of this I decided head downstairs to sleep on the couch. In my half-awake, half-asleep state I grabbed my pillow and forged out into the darkened hall and down the stairs.

At least I had the presence of mind to grab a hold of the banister with my right hand because I missed the first or second step and came crashing down rather mightily. I landed primarily the left side of my body (arm, shoulder, hip) but somehow managed to maintain my grip (albeit twisted) on the banister. K and B came rushing out to see if what had happened and found me sitting rather in shock at the bottom of the stairs.

Well, that experience is enough to wake even the most-sound of sleepers (me) and with guidance I made it to the couch. I tried to go to sleep but was still a little shaken so I decided that some chocolate-malt ice cream and my book would help ease me into slumber. I was wrong. After about an hour my body was letting me know it did not enjoy our little trip down the stairs. I headed for K’s darvocet since I had left mine at home. One little orange pill and thirty minutes later I was feeling drowsy enough to go back to sleep.

Sunday was not too bad and before bed Hubby massaged my back with delightfully scented oil. I slept like a baby. Today is a different story; the entire left side of my body is in a lot of pain. I am hoping a nice hot bath will relax me. I have a feeling that only time will ease this pain.

Ah, clumsy is the life.