Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Rosebud Update

Saturday we went to no less than 3 adult stores looking for the V2 publication. I can assure I will not be going back into that area of town without the protection of Smith and Wesson. When we finally did manage to locate it the ad was not in the January issue.

Monday, January 27--answering machine message

"Hi, this is Joy and I wanted to know if you were hiring. If you are looking for someone call me back, my number is xxx-xxxx."

Friday, January 24, 2003


Saturday, January 18 –as heard on the answering machine

“Hey, you know that ad you have for Rosebud, well, I just wanted you to know I’m jerk*** off to it right now.”

Hubby: What the...
Me: Did he just say what I think he said?
Hubby: Yeah.


Me: What the hell is Rosebud?
Hubby: I dunno.

Sunday, January 19 –afternoon phone call as overheard by me

Hubby: Hello, what? No. This not an escort service sir; this is a private residence.

Monday, January 20 –2:15am phone call

Me: Hello
Caller: Yeah, I’m calling about the ad for Rosebud.
Me: (suddenly alert) I’m sorry, this is a private residence but could I ask you a question?
Caller: Well, yeah I guess so.
Me: Where did you get this number?
Caller: In a publication, an adult publication. I got it at the Adult Bookstore
Me: Do you live in the Charlotte area?
Caller: Yeah.
Me: What is it for?
Caller: It’s for Rosebud.
Me: What is Rosebud?
Caller: It’s an escort service. Ma’am I don’t want you to think I’m a pervert or anything. I’m a bodyguard and I’m looking for work.
Me: Oh. Ok. (luckily, he cannot see me rolling my eyes!)
Caller: Is your phone number 704-XXX-XXXX?
Me: Yes
Caller: Well, I hate to tell you this but it’s listed right here in this ad for Rosebud escort service.
Me: What’s the name of the publication the ad is in?
Caller: It’s called V2.
Me: Ok, well, thanks I will have to check that out. I really hope it’s just a misprint.
Caller: Yeah, you might want to get your number changed.
Me: Yes, I am definitely thinking about doing that.

Monday, January 20 –4:30am phone call

Me: Hello
Caller: Yes, I’m calling about the Pink Pussycats in the Rosebud ad.
Me: Geez. I’m sorry this is a private residence. You have the wrong number.
Caller: Oh, Ok. Sorry.

All this comes on the heels of several other hand-up calls at early morning hours as well as messages from people we don’t know asking for a callback. You see, when we moved we not only changed our phone number but due to the enormous amount of telemarketing calls we received we also had it unlisted, non-published, and double-top-secret classified (ok, not so much that last part). As we have only given it to friends and family there is no way that someone we don’t know could be calling and leaving us messages. Now, I guess it all makes sense.

You know, I could fill a book with all the stupid stuff that happens to me!

Thursday, January 23, 2003

It's Snowing!

Well, we got between 4 to 6 inches of snow last night and it's still coming down too! I just talked to my boss and I get to stay home. Woo Hoo! I did bring work home with me since I knew it was going to snow at least a little bit. However, that does not diminish my enthusiasm; I am sooooo excited; I love snow. I cannot wait to make hot chocolate, snow cream, and a big pot of soup. Mmmmm comfort food! Enjoy your day, I'm going back to bed!

Monday, January 20, 2003


Wrapped up warmly in my soft, forest-green cashmere scarf and my ruby-red chenille hat I sat back in my chair at Starbucks, drinking my tall Peppermint Mocha, while watching people walk to and fro on Saturday night.

I love to watch people interact, to see how their body language affirms or belies their words. I love feeling anonymous, like a fly on the wall, and I find it amusing how no one noticed where I was or what I was doing. I felt very much like the Cheshire cat, slowly becoming invisible leaving behind only my grin.

I hid, in plain sight, under the guise of a book. I had brought it with me thinking I might sneak in a chapter or two before going to the movie but once I sat down I found the people much more interesting. My book is somewhat quiet, often odd, quite descriptive, at times requires both a bit of concentration and a suspension of reality to fully picture what the author is describing. The buzzing tenor of the mall, and admittedly my curiosity, were in direct competition so, I abandoned my book in favor of feigned sociological observation.

I was privy to snipets of conversations, to exchanged glances, sometimes smoldering, others furtive. I saw couples in love, teenagers being rambunctious and obnoxious, “gangstas” strutting so boldly they reminded me of peacocks showing off their plumes. I was reminded of my own Jr. High school days when a gaggle of giggling girls, all sparkles and pastels, walked past me, one lone girl trailing a few feet behind the others.

I sat for about 45 minutes sipping my coffee and simply enjoyed the people. I pulled back further and further from the situation and eventually all the chatter was same, sounding almost like white noise, a ringing in my ears.

Eventually I awoke from my self-imposed trance, took one last sip of the dregs of my coffee, threw my cup away and walked toward the cinema. I had purchased my ticket earlier and so walked on in and toward theater 17. I was here for Adaptation—a film I’ve been dying to see since its release. I could hardly wait for the previews to be finished.

Then something happened. Within minutes of the opening I was riveted to my seat, heart beating wildly. For during Charlie Kaufman’s stream-of-consciousness monologue at the beginning of the movie I realized I was watching myself on screen. I couldn’t believe someone had captured so fully the same type of one-sided conversations I have within my head.

I continued to watch in awe and at times in sadness knowing exactly how Charlie felt, wanting so badly to take a step forward, but feeling imprisoned within his own mind and body. The internal dialogue of self to self, rationalizing decisions and ones own timidity. Finding fault with every aspect of ones personality, body, voice, intelligence, hair, clothing, demeanor, and talent or lack thereof. Seeing myself in a hideous light thinking how no one could possibly want to be with me and completely distrusting the motives of anyone showing interest. Like Charlie, I have watched more than one opportunity pass me by because I was too scared to reach out and grab it.

Simply put, I have been an observer just as I was an observer earlier in the evening. I have been paralyzed by my own analysis, my own internal dialogue, listening to a self-deprecating voice imparting how worthless I really am.

Less simply, I am changing; the process being a rather long one. One which I am also afraid full is of the slippery slopes I have trouble traversing and occasionally, I find myself back on the observation deck. I know my metamorphosis, my adaptation, will not happen overnight and I am amenable to the occasional setback. More importantly, I am assured by recognizing my need to grow that I will not atrophy I will not be an observer forever.

Sunday, January 19, 2003


I saw Adaptation last evening; I found it quite disturbing. It has given me quite a lot to think about and I am sure at some point my musings will wind up here. All I can say now is go see it.

Friday, January 17, 2003

Part II of The Week From Hell

The next day I call hubby in the morning and he says that he and his boss have not spoken all morning long. He has not heard anything from the VP either. So, what’s a wife to do? Worry of course.

I somehow manage to keep myself distracted all day and at the end of the day I fight the drive home and arrive at about 6:45 in the evening. First thing I hear when I walk in the door is the sound of the gas flame from the hot water heater. I walk into the laundry room to check it out; nothing seems amiss except for the fact that it sounds loud. Then I hear my husband snoring (he is on his 2 weeks of nights-shift) and walk into the bedroom to change into comfy clothes and tennis shoes. After a long day and even longer previous night I need some exercise. Squish, squish. Uh, oh. Squish, squish. Oh, NO! I look down at my feet and see water seeping up over the top of my boots. I run to the bathroom where to my amazement I see the one of my feather pillows in the middle of the floor soaking wet, the garden tub overflowing and standing water of about 1.5 inches covering the bathroom floor.

I run over to the bed yelling and screaming for P to wake up. He is startled and groggy. He gets up and walks to the bathroom in a daze having absolutely no memory of what has happened. He has somehow in his sleep gotten up and turned on the bathtub and now we have a flooded bathroom, connected closet, half the bedroom and half of the dining room. He cannot remember anything about it. Due to the amount of flooding I suspect the water had been running for two to three hours.

Par for the course, we have different opinions on how to go about cleaning this up. P thinks he can do it himself. I think we need to call a professional. An argument ensues and he runs out and gets a grocery store “rug doctor” steam cleaner thinking this will pull up all the water. Eventually I figure two of us doing this are better than one so I go to the grocery store and rent one too. So now he is in the bedroom, I am in the dining room and we are both trying to pull as much water out of the carpet as possible. After about an hour of this (and about 50 gallons of water between us) I notice that the carpet is feeling a little less wet so I go over to the corner where the carpet is completely dry and pull it up.

Well, the padding is soaked. Somehow the water has flowed out way past where the carpet is wet and has soaked the padding underneath even further than we thought. UGGGHHHH!!!! At this point P agrees the padding will have to come up and we will have to call a professional. So, at 8:15 or so I call Stanley Steamer. By 8:30 they call back and someone be coming out in about an hour. So, I begin moving everything out of the closet, bedroom, and dining room, drying it off and putting it in the living room. (Which, by the way, is the only room in the house that I had finally divested of boxes and had some semblance of order) When I run out of room there I move things into the kitchen and anywhere else they will fit.

In the meantime our next-door neighbor, S, comes over to tell us that he was in fact ringing our doorbell at 1:15 am the previous morning. He had noticed that our garage door was open and so he thought it would be neighborly to let me know. (AT 1:15 IN THE MORNING??) He said he had been ringing it about 20 times but I never responded. We thanked him for thinking of us but asked if something like that ever occurs again he call us instead. What amazes me even more is that the dog didn’t even bark! Some guard dog she is!

Anyway, it’s now 9:30 and P has to leave for work by 9:45. I am worried that the Stanley Steamer guy won’t get here before he leaves and after the events of the previous night I don’t want to be alone with a complete stranger in my house. So, I ask a friend over to stay with me.

Stanley Steamer arrives just before P leaves and assures us that this will be no big deal. WHEW! He says it’s not nearly as bad as he has seen before. P leaves and SS Guy starts moving the furniture around, pulling up the carpet and hauling the padding out the front door. Then he uses a “hoover” with 800lbs of pressure to pull the water up off the concrete and then out of the carpet. Finally at about 12:45 he finishes and leaves me with a mega-fan and instructions to rotate it EVERY HOUR! And there I was thinking I might actually get some sleep. Needless to say, I slept very little that night.

So yes, it was the week from hell but, a few good things did actually happen. P and his boss got things worked out and he also had a meeting with the VP. The VP told him that family is very important and they need to work out some sort of arrangement for those who work third shift in case of an emergency. He also said that P’s boss was wrong in his response and that if P ever has a problem, please feel free to come to him. Whew!

I did actually learn a few life lessons out of the mayhem. 1. Arguing over an event that occurred in the past can be foolish and a waste of energy. Being angry did not dry the carpet any faster, or stop the water from flowing over the tub. 2. Pulling the proverbial rope in opposite directions is essentially a tug-of-wills and does not help solve one's problems. Working together to reach a solution is much easier and better for your relationship!

See how I ended everything up so nicely? My life should be a sit-com from the 80s! ;)

Sunday, January 12, 2003

OK, the entire post is up this time. Migraine is gone! Wooo Hoooo!

Well, I promised to write, so I will even though I've had a migraine most of the day. Ugh. So, here goes...

The Week from Hell, Part I
Attempted Break-In Turns Out To Be Next-Door Neighbor

Hubby and I have been in a REALLY good place the last few weeks, so much so it almost feels like when we first met. The 14th of this month marks the three-year anniversary of our meeting and one-and-a-half years of marriage and to be honest, I have to say that this marriage thingy is hard. We ar both stubborn as mules and that can sometimes make for long, hard days. However, since the move over Thanksgiving we've just been a lot happier and personally, I think it's the fact that we have some space to get away from each other now. All that to say, last week started out great.

This is Hubs time to work 3rd shift since he was off for so long during the Christmas break. He started last Saturday night at 10:30pm and goes to 10:30am on Sunday, then repeat until Wednesday morning. No big deal since this is the shift he as been on since we got married. So Monday night he goes off to work and I putter around the house doing whatever until about 11:30 when I go to bed. The new place is situated about 7 miles north or so of where we were living and it's quite quiet. I used to live off of a major boulevard within this city and as the apartment was only 100 yards off the street I heard all kinds of noise, and at all hours of the day. Plus the fact that being in an apartment complex you get used to a certain level of noise like dogs barking, car alarms going off, people talking in the hall or going up and down the stairs, knocking on doors, and et cetera. I've pretty much learned to screen this type of noise out since I've been been living in apartments for over 10 years now.

Well, I am sound asleep at 1:15am when suddenly my subconscious tells me that my doorbell is ringing. I open my eyes and am actually (surprising even to myself) quite frightened. I get the gun out of the nightstand grab the telephone and run to the closet where I try to call Hub. My hands are shaking so badly that I misdial the number about 5 times before I get it right. I am freaked out at the possibility of someone outside my house. None of my, or Hubs, friends have been to the new place so it cannot possibly be anyone I know.

I finally get Hubby on the phone and he tries to calm me down as I walk toward the front door and try to look out of the peep-hole; no one is there. One of the reasons I am so nervous is the doorbell is not lit at all times, there is a short in the wires and so sometimes it glows orange and others it doesn’t. Also, the way the door is situated, you might accidentally hit the doorbell if you were trying to break into the house. So, I go upstairs and sit in a corner facing the stairs with the gun on the floor and my dog (55lb Australian Shepherd mut) in my lap and the phone to my ear.

In the meantime, hubby has called his boss to ask if he can cover for 30 to 45 minutes in order work from home the rest of the evening so he can be with me. Now his boss, S, is normally a great guy however, this night he says... “Not to be cold but I’ve told you we don’t monitor from home anymore and if your wife is that scared she can just call 911.” Well that rule went into effect over the Christmas holidays all of which Hubby was off and so he did not know about it. Hubby almost quit his job right there. Instead he just hung up on his boss after stating how furious he was.
So, we just did as the boss suggested. We called 911 and asked if someone could patrol through the neighborhood. Well, I have now come back downstairs and am waiting on the police. I see two patrol cars pull up and check things out. As it turns out my garage door was open, and Hubby swears it was closed when he pulled out. The cops think it was probably a neighbor letting me know it was open.

Well, it’s now been about an hour or so since I was awakened and I’m finally calmed down enough to crawl back into bed. In the meantime Hubby has sent an email to the VP who is over both his boss and his entire department relaying the conversation that took place. You see, the VP is always touting “balance of work and family” and stresses the importance of not letting your family take second place to your job. So, on top of worrying about someone trying to break in now I am worrying about my husband losing his job. UGH!

Well, I finally get to sleep about 2:45am and toss and turn all night long. I get to work and tell my boss what happened (my boss is my landlord) she says she is sure it was S, the neighbor, because he did that to she and her husband a couple of times. I feel a little bit better and go on about my day.

Stay tuned for part II of the The Week From Hell.

Friday, January 10, 2003

What a &^%$ Week!

I have a couple of stories for you but as I have been thoroughly entrenched at work and home I haven't been able to relay them. Sorry. I promise to get around to posting them this weekend. I am planning on a nice relaxing weekend to attempt to make up for my hectic week. I have a lot to accomplish before 5 p.m. today so I can't stay long. So, here's a preview of coming attractions.....

Attempted Break-In Turns Out To Be Next-Door Neighbor and Water, Water Everywhere: the great flood of 03

Monday, January 06, 2003

On the Offensive

One year ago today my grandfather passed away. I’ve been in rather a funky mood all day when I happened upon this site through a friend of mine. It definitely “raised my spirits.”

I know this will be considered offensive to some, however, I have to say it's one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. But then again, I always have loved irony and if you don’t take it too seriously you might see the same vein of humor I saw.

Adult Christianity

Thursday, January 02, 2003

Greetings and Salutations

My new year's celebration was rather quiet this year but it was spent surrounded by wonderful company. I have not decided whether I will post all of my resolutions for the coming year as some of them are personal. Truth be told, however, I have not even finished compiling them. I have never been a person to write down my goals but this year I have decided to not only write them out but also to break them down with individual steps for accomplishing said task. Not being real big on "routine" I will have to put aside some of my old habits to hopefully gain better ones. Old Habits Die Hard so, we'll see.

Anyway, I know it's a day late but I still wanted to wish everyone a happy and healthy new year.