Monday, January 26, 2004

Oh Brother!

I had an interesting conversation with my brother, JM, on Saturday evening. I told him I had blogged (he reads on a very rare occasion) about being a misfit moderate since I couldn't pick a side. He was very upset and said I shouldn't think of myself, or let anyone else think of me as a moderate because I'm not one.

He said, you're passionate about what you believe be it liberal or conservative. Being one way or the other doesn't make you a moderate just because the mean of the two is the middle. You're just aggrivating to political parties because neither side can completely count on you. But that's not a bad thing.

I was shocked, and completely elated. He and I disagree about a lot and I fall on the liberal side of many things. I took this to heart moreso than he did, a fault of my sex perhaps. We talked for almost two-and-a-half hours. I believe that's the longest phone conversation we've had in years. On the phone I'm not too much of a chit-chatter and neither is he. Ohh occasionally I can spend hours on the phone talking with someone but that doesn't happen too often I guess. We talk about miscellaneous stuff when in person, but when you're separated by over 1500 miles getting together in person is not a feat easily accomplished.

We have now agreed to disagree but it doesn't change the way we think or feel about each other. I love my brother dearly and am so amazingly happy we get along as adults. We've simply grown closer as the years have passed and I sincerely say "Thank you God."

Thursday, January 22, 2004


Interesting word, misfit is. All my life I've tried to be "Miss Fit" into the mold everyone expects of me. I've pushed and proded, twisted and turned trying to fit but it never felt right. Inside, I always knew I could not own whatever role I was applying for at the time. I've always disliked conformity and yet depending on who you ask, I've been quite the conformist.

My family qualifies as right-wing conservative--in essence-- uber-republican.

I have friends and loved-ones who are about as liberal as they come.

On one issue I'll be very conservative, and yet on another one I'll be shockingly liberal.

I don't fit on the left.

I don't fit on the right.

I don't want to fit in the middle and yet that's where I usually end up. I hate the apathetic side of me that says there's not real need to figure it out, just go with the flow. Yet, that's what I often do. I am constantly torn and so more often than not, I do nothing.

I've been at war with myself for a long time now and I'm quite battle weary.