Rosebud

Saturday, January 18 –as heard on the answering machine

“Hey, you know that ad you have for Rosebud, well, I just wanted you to know I’m jerk*** off to it right now.”

Hubby: What the...
Me: Did he just say what I think he said?
Hubby: Yeah.

Repeat

Me: What the hell is Rosebud?
Hubby: I dunno.

Sunday, January 19 –afternoon phone call as overheard by me

Hubby: Hello, what? No. This not an escort service sir; this is a private residence.

Monday, January 20 –2:15am phone call

Me: Hello
Caller: Yeah, I’m calling about the ad for Rosebud.
Me: (suddenly alert) I’m sorry, this is a private residence but could I ask you a question?
Caller: Well, yeah I guess so.
Me: Where did you get this number?
Caller: In a publication, an adult publication. I got it at the Adult Bookstore
Me: Do you live in the Charlotte area?
Caller: Yeah.
Me: What is it for?
Caller: It’s for Rosebud.
Me: What is Rosebud?
Caller: It’s an escort service. Ma’am I don’t want you to think I’m a pervert or anything. I’m a bodyguard and I’m looking for work.
Me: Oh. Ok. (luckily, he cannot see me rolling my eyes!)
Caller: Is your phone number 704-XXX-XXXX?
Me: Yes
Caller: Well, I hate to tell you this but it’s listed right here in this ad for Rosebud escort service.
Me: What’s the name of the publication the ad is in?
Caller: It’s called V2.
Me: Ok, well, thanks I will have to check that out. I really hope it’s just a misprint.
Caller: Yeah, you might want to get your number changed.
Me: Yes, I am definitely thinking about doing that.

Monday, January 20 –4:30am phone call

Me: Hello
Caller: Yes, I’m calling about the Pink Pussycats in the Rosebud ad.
Me: Geez. I’m sorry this is a private residence. You have the wrong number.
Caller: Oh, Ok. Sorry.

All this comes on the heels of several other hand-up calls at early morning hours as well as messages from people we don’t know asking for a callback. You see, when we moved we not only changed our phone number but due to the enormous amount of telemarketing calls we received we also had it unlisted, non-published, and double-top-secret classified (ok, not so much that last part). As we have only given it to friends and family there is no way that someone we don’t know could be calling and leaving us messages. Now, I guess it all makes sense.

You know, I could fill a book with all the stupid stuff that happens to me!