Tuesday, July 29, 2003

All's fair...

OK, I’m nervous. My appointment with my Orthopedist is tomorrow. At 1:15 tomorrow afternoon I will know the results of my MRI. To be honest, I am hoping that it will show that I didn’t actually tear my ACL but just stretched it and I won’t have to have surgery.

This summer has most certainly not gone like I wanted. I was in such a great place working out 3 to 4 times a week and seeing some positive results to boot. I felt better and had more energy and couldn’t wait to go exercise. I haven’t been able to do much of anything since June 11. I’m still doing my sit-ups and some floor exercises but that’s about it. I cannot walk for too long. I cannot bend down at the knees and to pick something up or anything for that matter. And the absolute worst thing, I cannot sit with my leg tucked up under me for ANY length of time!

My knee will periodically “go out” on me where I can feel my calf moving left and my thigh moving right and bone scraping across bone. Not the most pleasant of experiences I must say. In fact, it’s rather excruciatingly painful. I hate being restricted in my movements. I hate not being able to do exactly what I want, when I want it. With my migraines I have learned how to just move on regardless of the pounding in my temples and forehead until it gets to the point where I am throwing up then I have to lie down. I’ve learned to compensate for the fact that I have a headache 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. I don’t want to have to learn how to compensate for my knee damn it.

Last week I realized just how much I have to baby my knee. Just as I was arriving home on Wednesday the sky opened up and all the water in the world started pouring down up on us. I opened the garage door (we don’t actually park in it as it is still full of boxes and other miscellaneous items with no permanent home) got out of the car and tried to hurry into the house. Unfortunately I tripped and fell skinning my right knee, right ankle, both palms, and twisting my left (the bad one) knee. To further humiliate me the fates conspired at just that moment while I was on all fours in the driveway to have my dog come and lick the rainwater off my cheek and forehead. Ah, lovely.

I limped into the house, leaving a trial of water behind me as I passed, shedding my dripping wet clothes and got into the shower. When I got out my left knee was killing me not to mention the blood dripping from my knee and ankle. I took some Alleve and bandaged up my boo-boo’s and crawled into bed with a book.

I hate the fact that I have an impediment of sorts. I hate the fact that there’s another thing wrong with my body. I hate the fact that this knee will probably go arthritic because of this injury. I hate the fact that this injury pushed me out of the amazingly healthy groove I had gotten into. I know, I am simply complaining and I have a lot to be thankful for but damn it—it’s just not fair.

I know, I know. Who ever said life was fair?


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