Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Reality: Pertinent or Superfluous?

What is reality? Is reality what I see, taste, hear, and touch? What about the things that you see, taste, hear, and touch? Are they the same? When looking at a coin from two different sides whose side represents reality? Does it then become a question of Perspective V. Reality.

I am generally amazed at how you can walk around in the same house with someone share so much and yet have such different points of view. I have two eyes; you have two eyes. How is it we see different things? I recently had a conversation with my brother about our home. We had totally different ideas of what the “reality of the S family household” was. We are six years apart in age and therefore grew up somewhat differently. However, sometimes I wonder if we had the same parents? Being the elder, I paved the way for him. He got away with murder compared to me. Sometimes I am jealous, other times I am thankful I had such a “Leave It To Beaver” existence. I am not saying my life was perfect, far from it. Every family, no matter how loving, has its own dysfunction. No one is perfect. I had a lot of baggage to deal with and through about a year of therapy in late 1996 and the beginning of 1997 I successfully managed to rid myself of a lot of it. A few pieces of it are still hanging around though and I would just as soon divest myself of the somewhat unlovely valises.

I remember in kindergarten Mrs. Harwood cut up strips of brightly-colored construction paper. She put them the middle of the table and then got out the glue. We then proceeded to make paper chains and had a contest to see who could make the longest in the shortest amount of time. Every thing we do in life, every thought we have, person we meet, action we take, reaction we have, book we read, movie we see, music we hear or kiss we steal is a link in the paper chain of our life.

Well, by the time you hit 30 (and older) you have a hell of a lot of links in your chain and it can become quite cumbersome. Now I have to sit down, look at all my links and decide which are pertinent and which are superfluous. No matter how much you think you know about life, until you are out on your own and living it you never really know what it’s all about—for that matter I think I still don’t. I know I look at my life through the mesh of everything I have ever experienced and I wonder how it colors my perception of reality. What color are the glasses through which I am looking at my life—my reality? I don’t think they are rosy anymore.

I was listening to John Mayer this weekend and today (Yes, again! I just can’t get enough of him!) I feel like he has got my whole life in the CD Room for Squares. I can identify with so many things he sings about.

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?

Just yesterday I was driving home on I-85 and I felt just like he did. Am I living it right? In my car the past is behind me and the future is in front of me, what would happen to my reality if I just didn’t stop? One of my favorite quotes comes from the movie Gross Pointe Blank. I will leave you with it.

“Some people say forgive and forget. I say forget about forgiving and accept. And get the hell outta town.” - Grosse Pointe Blank


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