Friday, November 01, 2002

Opposites Attract

They say opposites attract. I suppose that’s the case with my husband and me. He is an introvert. I am an extrovert. I like people and I need A LOT of external stimulation in my life. For me, the kind of stimulation I need comes in many forms. I enjoy movies, concerts, the symphony, small local plays, big theaters, shopping, going to the antique show, flea market, mall, taking a class, joining a club, going to a bar to listen to a band, going to a party, hosting or throwing a party and numerous other activities as well.

In my downtime I like to read, create new recipes and try them out, read, watch TV, read, design, read, play in Photoshop, read, write, read and occasionally write some more—but that’s what days are for. However, on the weekends, I like to go out at night. Daytime can be downtime but nighttime, in my opinion, is “out” time besides, anything you can do during the day is just about twice as fun at night.

On the other hand, my perception of what my husband, Phil, likes to do is this: stay in. We go ‘round and ‘round about this all the time. He thinks that because I got such a late start “experiencing” life that I am, just now, wanting to do take it all in. That’s just not true. See, the years I was single I spent wanting someone to share all these experiences with and now that I am married I am with someone who seemingly has no interest in sharing any of this with me. What do we do?

I am a thinker. I like to take things apart in my brain and then put them back together again but that means I am also an extreme over-analyzer and forecast far into the future. Phil says I need something to relax a little but I can’t help it. Here’s how my mind works:


I want to go out tonight, he wants to stay in.

I “always” want to go out, he “always” wants to stay in.

Why can’t we compromise and go out half the time and the other half stay in?

Now, for the rest of my life I am going to have to either stay in or go out by myself or with other friends.

I am married to someone with whom I will never be able to share these wonderful experiences.

I am going to be alone for the rest of my life and I am being penalized because I am an extrovert.

Why do I have to change being an extrovert just because he doesn’t want to go out?

We have nothing in common.

We don’t like any of the same things.

We will be one of those couples who never spend time together.

We will both be miserable wishing the other one would “go out” or “stay in”

I am stressed; we are doomed.


Now sometimes the ability to see that far down the road is helpful. However, it’s not always helpful. I’m not trying to be dramatic it’s just the way my brain works. It takes a subject and sometimes drags it out to a logical conclusion and other times it drags it out to an illogical conclusion. Phil says that’s why I get migraines.

It’s just that I am frustrated and I know he is too. You see, the problem with all of this is love. We love each other dearly and wouldn’t hurt the other one for anything but it seems that because of our personality conflicts we do end up hurting the other one. I am just scared we will hurt each other one too many times and the damage will not be repairable.


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