Friday, July 30, 2004

A Spade a Spade

I am not well today. I’m up and down and generally all over the place. Mood swings, God how I hate them. I’d say it was the caffeine and sugar but I’ve had only one Dr. Pepper. I don’t know what is wrong but I feel as if I am going to come unglued. I cannot, for more than one minute at a time, concentrate on anything. I cannot, for more than thirty seconds, sit still. I cannot stay focused. I keep reliving certain moments over and over in my head and it’s messing with me big time.

About a week ago I was working on producing trade-show graphics, sending them to the large-format printer and etc. and when they were through printing I took them to be encapsulated. So, I walked into the service provider and introduced myself to the man behind the counter and the conversation we had went something like this.

Him: “Well, you must be new.”
Me: “Yes, I’m (name).
Him: “I can’t keep up with the changes over there, you Marketing*
people must just be a dime a dozen.”
Me: fake smile plastered “Well, there have been a few changes.”

*I’m a graphic designer with a writing and editorial background.

I can’t keep his statement from running on auto-replay over, and over, and over, and over in my head—it’s even invading my dreams.

While I realize this man does not know me, or anything at all about me, what he said cut like the proverbial knife. It has been the catalyst for a lot of restlessness and time spent analyzing, as if I didn’t do enough already. I know I am not such a rarity that I am unique but I’d like to think I’m a little better than your average bear. I’d like to think that I have talent and whatever talent(s) I do possess count for something.

Maybe, they don’t. Maybe I am worth only .083 cents.


Post a Comment

<< Home