Wednesday, November 13, 2002

My Alter Ego

Everyone has one, don’t they? Mine is always there, lurking just under the surface, threatening to destroy my sanity—and she can be very difficult keep at bay. I do let her out on occasion but by the time I reign her back in I have usually come to regret giving her any freedom at all. Give her an inch and she’ll take five miles.

Lately, I’ve been toying with the idea of identity. Who am I? What do I want out of life? What does life want out of me? Yes, I know these are age-old questions and they seem to be a theme of mine but I just can’t help but wonder.

If it’s really true our personalities are formed when we are but two-to-three years of age then how do you explain curve balls in the form of a life-altering experiences which subsequently alter our views and thus perhaps our personalities? What about old-fashioned personal growth, chemical imbalances, ADD, education, God and religion—how do you factor those in?

I can assure you I am not the same person I was just three years ago much less ten. There are subtle yet definite shifts to my way of thinking, my personality. The question of the hour is this: Am I really who I am now or am I really who I was then? How about who I am when I am depressed verses when I am not. I fear I have I become so accustomed to my present state I no longer recognize myself.

Where is my true identity found? When are we really honest with ourselves; when do we really mean what we say? What happened to the little girl with curly blond hair who had no fear of anything at all; where did she go? Is it even possible to get her back? Is she my alter ego?

One thing I have to say for her though… she always makes me feel amazing.

Here’s something that’s been swimming around in my gray matter off and on for years. It’s finally finished. Let me know what you think—good or bad.

Dysfunction In Motion

I see your form from across the room
I feel your pulse in the way you move
Our eyes connect, lightning strikes
The flame ignites, firelight

You ask my name and we play your game
Toe to toe, I stake my claim but
I know you’re one who won’t be tamed

Eye to eye I feel your breath
Caress my ear I kiss your neck
Graze my teeth a with touch of pain
For more of your pleasure to gain

I know oil and water never mix
But God, baby, with you it kicks
I don’t love you and all your flaws
But I want to fu@k you just because

Off and on you spin me round
When we stop I hit the ground
I know you’ll go eventually
Until then just let me ride, Free

I look at you, and your once-warm eyes
Colder now and paralyzed
It was then I realized

I want to see your sick side
I want to see you crawl
I want you on your back
And on my knees so tall

I want to tease you
I want to please you
‘Til you’ve everything you’re dying for

I want to tease you
I want to please you
‘Til I am everything you’re dying for

Enable me you do
As I enable you
We Are
Dysfunction in Motion

My dysfunction
My addiction
Be my habit
Be my fix

My dysfunction
My addiction
Be my life
Or you’ll be my death

© 2002 Perpetual Platitudes


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