Thursday, July 18, 2002

7/18/02 9:30 am

Gotta love happy hour!

Went to a bar with part of my co-workers a couple of nights ago. 4 of the 7 of them have birthdays in July and we went to celebrate. When it was time to go I picked up the tab and whipped out the old credit card. That's when I looked down at my bill and got the biggest kick out of it! My drink, margarita, was listed as a "Happy Tequila." Happy is definitely how I feel when I imbibe with Senor Jose. Hubby will love it too! He loves Tequila especially Happy Tequila! I think that work flows so much better when you are able to socialize outside of the office and get to know one another better. Well… that’s my opinion anyway.

M, one of my co-workers, ended up lamenting about the current situation of his love life or rather lack thereof. He is casually seeing this girl/woman who is 2 years his Sr. He wants to take it to the next level of “boyfriend” status. She said she is doesn’t want to go there but physically she’s attracted to him and apparently she acts on that too. We told him that if she is acting physically but not there “emotionally” she was probably commitment-a-phobic. Keep pursuing, she may eventually turn around. He is an attractive guy with a great sense of humor and wit. M has a lot of potential if he would just cut the Keanu Reeves act.

7/16/02 1:49 pm

Well, just got some bad news about Hubby’s truck. Apparently after all the work they have put in on it they have only now discovered that the engine block is cracked. Now, to a non-car person, such as myself, that doesn’t mean much. What does translate quite well, however, is that the crack means the engine must be replaced, not repaired, to the tune of say….. $8,000, OUCH! Seems like in the Suburban v. Explorer, the Suburban wins Round 2. Let’s see how “on our side” the insurance company is now. They gave the ole’ “thumbs up” to the initial repairs, even though we told them there was more damage than meets the eye, and they will have to pay for them to be done even if they decide to total out the vehicle. We will just have to see if this works.

7/16/02 12:02 pm

Google is about the greatest search engine in the entire world. You type something in and Voila… bolded and highlighted is the word you were looking for right in the descriptions of the website. So, as I occasionally do, I surfed for some people I once knew in a former life. I found them. Now, I am awash with old memories.

It’s strange how your life can be so different from the life you lead just 3 years ago that it all seems as if it were a dream. My life now is SO VERY unrelated to the life I led back in the land of Jalapenos and Tortillas. Now I live in the land of Sweet Tea and Deep Fried EVERYTHING! I miss the tortillas. Sweet Tea is by far a much prettier place. I cannot even begin to tell you how lush and green everything is here. Sweet Tea has seasons but I do miss the amazing sunsets of Tortillaville. Well, enough of comparing the merits of Sweet Tea to Tortillaville.

These are two people, M and D, whom I considered friends. The friendships were not incredibly deep as we did not spend a lot of time together but still we talked on the phone and hung on occasion. When I left Tortillaville something happened. I don’t know what, but something happened. Whenever I tried to contact M, I got no response. I sent a few emails – no reply. Then I left a few messages – no callback. I thought this to be odd. In fact, I did not understand it at all. Then I tried to contact D through email – same thing – no response. I don’t get it. What the hell did I do that was so bad you had to refuse all contact with me? At least let me know what offense I committed. Honestly though, whatever it is; I am truly sorry.

I wonder if it has to do with my former employer GDU, or Goda Davida University (wink, wink). That is how we met. M worked on the computers at the GDU and, long story short, my boss, D-Head, (Really, his name begins with a D ;-)) made some decisions about the office Macs without talking to me. In fact, he never talked to me about ANY DAMN THING that concerned me. I ended up backtracking so much crap because he felt like making decisions. Anyway.... he decided we needed a “professional” to come in and fix everything for the network.

The “professional” charged at LEAST twice as much and took twice as long. I had worked very hard to build up the working relationship with GDU and M and even D who had worked for us a couple of times through M, when D-Head came in he ruined everything. I talked to M about it and assured him that I had absolutely nothing to do with the decision. He said he was OK with it but now I wonder if M was really more upset than he let on.

I really miss M and D and have tried to keep up with them through the web. They are awesome individuals -- more deep than a lot of people I know who claim to be wells. So, what’s a girl to do?

July 8 10:32 am

Ok, what do I do? What is happening to me? Why now? I mean…… everybody else went through this when they were like 15 or 18 or 20 -- for godsakes at least in college or shortly thereafter. I mean…. Here I am….. 30 and just discovering a lot of things most other people discover very early on in life. I am deeply lamenting the passing of my 30th year. I don’t get it. I feel like I am living in a dream. What’s real?

My indecision is a lot like hopscotch. I throw the rock…. I then jump two, one, two, one, one, two. Then I turn around and do it all again. I cover the same terrain again and over again. My life boils down to two, one, two, one, one, two turn around and two, one, one, two, one, two. 30 years in 17 hops.

See, it looks like I am making a decision or two by throwing the rock but the thing is…. I look around and it seems like everyone else gets to move on to a new game….. something more like two, one, one, three, two, one, one, two, three, two, one. Everyone else seems to at least rotate. I’m still stuck with the original. What do I do? I have been through a much smaller version of this before. I was 24 or 25 at the time. Now, I am going through it again. UGGHHH!!!! I had better insurance at the time. I could go to a therapist 24 times a year. Not 5. I also had Wellburtrin and Xanex.

Ok, gotta question for you.... marriage. What the hell is that conundrum? Not that I don’t love… love… love my husband. It’s just sooooo damn hard! I had no idea how very selfish I was until I got married. No way in hell am I ready for a kid!


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